When You're Gone

I sat on the edge of your bed and held your hand in mine. How many years has it been since our marriage?

Ruefully, I stare down at our entwined hands. Both of them were wrinkled with mine shaking slightly.

Your eyes opened slowly and you gave me a tired smile.

My eyes filled with tears but I didn't let them fall. If this were to be the last time, I would want you to see my smile, not my tears.

"…" Your voice was hoarse.

"…" My voice was soft and I hoped it wouldn't show you how upset I truly was.

The machines in the background beeped and whirled continuously. The hospital felt cold and unwelcome even though the sunlight fell directly onto your bed.

You sighed and your eyes closed again. This time, your face continued to wear the smile.

"I love you."

Those were the last words you ever spoke.

**********

It didn't rain on the day of your funeral. You wouldn't have wanted it to.

You had never wanted this particular anniversary of yours to be dark and gloomy. Standing in front of your grave, I remembered and my tears fell for you then.

The priest extolled your virtues and contributions to society. I remembered the times you would skip meetings to come home early to eat with me. How you would laugh and poke fun at my cooking and how you would eat every bite of it even though I wasn't the best in the kitchen.

You had never cared. You were always there for me when I needed you. Your family was the most important thing to you. Always.

Your classmates talked about your teamwork and comradeship. I remembered the times you helped me around the house and patiently taught me your favored sport, tennis. How I complained that I was useless at the sport and how you would just smile and teach me how to serve correctly again.

Your almost endless patience with your family and the way you always had time for the children. The love you showered on our children and me with. Always.

Your friends remembered your jokes and the way you had with connecting people. I remembered how you helped me raise our two sons into the brilliant men they were today. How you would discipline them when needed and how you would praise them when the correct thing was done.

Your sense of justice and honor never died. Even in the treacherous world of business, it had remained and you had distilled it into your children. Always walk the path you believe is right.

Your children and grandchildren told everyone about how you taught them the right way to live. I remembered the nights you sat typing up reports and considering different proposals for work. How you would move around our house silently, not wanting to wake anyone up. Little did you know that I would listen to you and hear your every move. I never could sleep unless you were by my side.

It had always been that way since we met and when we fell in love. It had never died.

**********

"Mother." A deep voice at your side shook you from your musings. You turned to him, your youngest son, your baby boy. His older brother was standing by your other side.

Taking a tissue held out to you by one of your daughter-in-laws, you touched it to your cheeks.

Your eyes turned back to your boys. You had to take the time to admire them. They were your legacy. Your two sons who resemble you so and followed the path you showed them, never regretting once that they had you for a father.

You smiled through the tears that had begun to stop. You realized why the sun shone brightly today and why you remembered.

Both your sons saw the curve of your lips. "Mother?"

Your smile grew a little. Not much, but a little. "Do you understand?"

They looked confused but you didn't blame them. One day they would understand.

"Today, we're not mourning for him..."

You turned and placed your snow white rose onto his coffin, watching it decorate the bright mahogany with a dash of light.

It wasn't goodbye…

"We're celebrating his life."

Let us meet again… .

##########

April 4, 2007
Written by: Linc
Edited by: Kurohane