Atonement

Raindrops drummed along the sidewalk, splattering down the cracks between the cool grey concrete slabs on the earth below. The wind roared relentlessly, its invisible fingers creating an ongoing melody of air, a pianist playing their final sonata. As the gales laced through the sidewalks of a nearby park, it was obvious that there weren't going to be any people that day— the heavens would show no mercy.

It couldn't be happening... It was impossible.

Her clothes were drenched in the rain as she ran though the downpour overhead. She had never run that fast before in her life. There was one and only one reason she was running that fast now.

"Kunimitsu…"

**********

The ringing of her phone was the only sound that was to be heard. Its ghostly melody lingered in the corners of the empty living room. She glanced up from her desk, listening to the harmonious melody it played; it was like a music box, delicate and elegant to the very last note. But delicate things went, delicate things were fragile and fragile things broke easily.

Not having much heart at all, she didn't bother picking up. Instead, she listened to her answering machine beep. A voice yelled from the other end. A voice that sounded so horrible, so frightened, it sent chills down her spine.

"-sama! It's on TV, channel seven.... Oh please, it’s horrible!" Her friend’s crackling voice reached her ears and her eyes glanced quizzically at the little machine as if asking why. But the answer would be soon to come.

"-sama! It's... it's Kunimitsu-san!" the voice sounded from the machine once more as the line went dead. But at those words, her heart seemed to almost stop beating. Judging by her friend's voice something appalling must have happened. And she'd soon find out what.

That day was the day Tezuka Kunimitsu's plane was scheduled to land from England. He had chosen to move to England for the rest of senior high school — but his plane never landed.

**********

The news didn't lie. She’d known when her friend had called that night something had gone wrong, but she never could have imagined that it was that. She knew that switching on the television would only confirm her own fears; she knew her heart would be broken. And she had not been disappointed.

But it wasn't the first time he had broken her heart.

**********

The taller teen closed his eyes and breathed deeply before opening them again. "I want you to forget me, ," he said.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm leaving for England tomorrow," Tezuka continued, not looking directly at her, his eyes solely focused on the ground "I'll spend my last year of high school there and probably college as well… I might not come back."

Her world shattered. And for a moment, it felt as if time itself came to a complete standstill. It didn't take long for his words to sink in.

"Why didn't you tell me then?" she asked, her vision clouded by angry tears. "Why tell me now? Why only now?!" she demanded.

"I'm sorry, ," he told her, as if a mere 'sorry' would be of any comfort. "I was afraid, I didn't want to hurt you –"

"You didn't want to hurt me?" she repeated angrily, a tinge of insanity lingering in her voice. "What difference is there now? I might have had time to accept it if you’d told me much earlier, Kunimitsu…" she continued. She was blind not to have seen this coming, "Why'd you have to tell me? Why didn't you just leave? It would have been so much easier that way..."

"…" his hand reached out for hers, but when he looked up from the ground, he saw that she had run away from him.

**********

She could have begged him not to leave; she could have cried and pleaded until he gave in. She could have done many things, but she’d chosen not to. It had taken her a while, but within a week of his departure, she’d allowed her self to come terms with the situation and accepted it. Kunimitsu Tezuka would be leaving Tokyo, leaving her—and there would be nothing she could do about it. But even so, she’d only had one request for him and that request she personally delivered to him the day he flew out of Tokyo.

**********

"Kunimitsu."

He glanced up from his novel wondering who was calling him; at first he had thought it was Oishi, but the voice was too feminine to belong to the fuku-buchou. And when he established the speaker standing before him, his eyes widened in surprise.
Ever since he had told her the news that day after school, had made sure to keep her distance from him; this would be the first time the two had conversed.

He opened his mouth to speak, but she was too fast for him, "I know you don't have much time left before your plane takes off..." her voice was gentle and soft rather than the harsh and spiteful tone that he had anticipated. "But make me one promise." Her indigo eyes bore into his dark pools of auburn. Their russet hue reminded him of the autumn winds—like the one on the day he had broken his news to her.

"Promise me that you will return one day."

**********

He was to fulfill that promise that spring, right before the tennis season started up again. He had called her a semester before saying that he had already ordered his plane tickets and would be back in Japan within a matter of weeks. While she kept herself calm and reserved on the exterior, inside, her heart seemed to flutter with elation as she drew closer to that significant day.

And soon, the day arrived—but something went horribly wrong.

**********

Her eyes watched the television in horror. No, no, no! This had to be a mistake. But there was no mistaking that fiery mass of metal ablaze before her eyes. A plane had crashed into a dense forest, just along the outskirts of the area adjacent to Mt. Fuji—his plane. The unexpected rain along with the wind had proven to be too much for any plane to fly in and when the pilot had descended to look for the nearest safe place to land, lightning had struck, sending the plane into its fatal hurtle downwards.

There would be no survivors.

**********

The raindrops bounced from the concrete slabs as she came to a dead stop. The wind howled through her ears as the downpour blurred her eyesight. Her heart strummed on invisible strings of anxiety as a figure approached her from a distance. She recognized his features at once, even from afar—that stance, that posture, that aura.

Her eyes widened in disbelief, "Te – Tezuka Kunimitsu."

**********

It was just hours earlier that she’d received a text message. At first, she could have sworn that her eyes were deceiving her—they often did. This had to be some kind of cruel trick. It was from his phone.

'City Park, 8 PM', it had read simply.

**********

And now, hallucination or not, Tezuka Kunimitsu was standing in full view in front of her. No, she had to be dreaming; he was supposed to be dead. She closed her eyes and shook her head back and forth rapidly as if to shake this phantasm, this mirage, away from her head- she had dealt with enough torment already. But when she opened them once more, he was still standing there.

This certainly was not a dream.

As the truth sunk in, her shocked expression changed into resentment as she turned and began to walk away from him as fast as she could – like she had done those many months ago. She couldn't bear to look into that face of his; that face which had made her heart sing — the same face which had shattered her world.

"," Tezuka grasped her arm, stopping her. His grip was gentle, but firm. She had missed his touch. He turned her around and embraced her tightly. From the moment of impact, her body tensed—it had been too long since she had felt his warm embrace.

"Forgive me…forgive me, please…" he pleaded.

Her eyes were filled with tears at once; she pulled herself free from his arms by pushing him away and said, "What are you doing here?" she questioned, her voice barely a whisper, "You're supposed to be dead,"

Her words stung him like salt on a fresh wound. "I'm sorry ... that plane; it wasn't mine. I caught an earlier flight... it was to surprise you. I-I'm sorry for all the inconveniences this caused you," Tezuka explained to her, but the way she started to tremble made him wish that he had been on that plane. He’d had it all planned. He’d told her the flight number for a plane that had departed several days after his own; it was the perfect plan to surprise her. But he’d never expected his plan to go terribly wrong. He couldn't even imagine the shock, the horror that must have gone through her when she saw the news—he couldn't bear to meet her; which was why he’d waited those several months after that incident had occurred to tell her the truth. "Forgive me, please, I'm sorry, I…" his words trailed off. "Please, give me one more chance…"

With a wistful look she stared into his eyes, "I'm sorry... I don't think I can." The words she said brought more tears to his eyes and pain to his heart – but he had devastated her life twice, she couldn't bear for it to happen again. His atonement was not enough to alleviate the pain.

"That day I left," he told her quietly, and something about his tone of voice made her listen. "I left something with you... something I knew would be safe with you." She saw through her tears how fragile he suddenly seemed—and fragile things were so easily broken were they not? She watched him walk towards her and felt herself slip into his arms again—she did not object.

And with a whisper, he told her, "I left you my heart,"

Hot tears sprung from her eyes. Was this all he could say? He had left his with her while breaking her own—it wasn't fair. Nothing in life was. "Let go of me! Let go of me!" her voice was hoarse, but she shouted nevertheless. It went unheard. Her fists pounded his chest as her words repeated themselves over and over and he took them like a punching bag. Soon, her emotions overcame her as she gasped for breath, saying the same words until she finally gave in. She leaned her head on his chest and sobbed heavily.

"Please, let me love you again… I don't want to lose you ever again. Please, come back to me, ," he whispered in her ear. A trickle of tears was now rolling down his cheeks; he had put her through so much pain and despair that in the end it hurt him as well. He knew it was his fault.

She could feel his heart beating beneath the layers that he wore; it only made her cry even harder. "I hate you, Kunimitsu! You don't know what you did to me when you left, you turned my life upside down and made it miserable, Kunimitsu Tezuka... I hate you!"

"Please, , forgive me," Tezuka repeated – why did his atonement seem so futile? "I'll never leave you again, I promise..."

Promise. That was the very thing that he’d said those many months ago, when she’d had faith in him to come back to Tokyo—back to her. He’d kept that promise, as she had his heart. Perhaps it was time for amnesty.

Her struggles ceased as she slowly brought her arms around his figure. The winds of that silent spring played their mute tune as they laced around them in harmony with the rain’s glistening melody. Then the rain stopped. She realized something then: he had never really broken her heart; he had stolen it from her the moment he announced his departure. He had hers as she had his, and somehow it had all worked out in the end. Now, the two hearts would be able to return to their rightful places—with each other.

"Promise?"

He hugged her tighter, with a gentleness she could never have imagined. She felt safe in his arms, something she had not felt for a long time.

"I promise."

An imprint of a smile set upon her lips—she believed him; he always kept his promises, after all. She looked up into his eyes. It had been a while since she had gotten lost in those russet pools... And without any exchange of words, he understood that lasting gaze.
He had been forgiven.

##########
September 4, 2008
Written by: Shii-chan
Edited by: Ri