Sacrifice
I was so stupid. Why would I do something that I know will hurt myself? If I've done things like I wanted to, I would have been happy now. But no, I chose to hurt myself. I chose to do something that was against my will. Now I could only regret it.
It was during that day when it started…
**********
"Ne, Ryou, what do you think of -san?"
" ? I think he's good in soccer."
"Re… really?"
"Why are you asking?"
"Umm…"
"Don't tell me… you like him?"
"Ye… yeah."
"Heh. I knew it."
"Jaa Ryou, you'll help me in this right? Right?"
"Sigh…"
"Onegai~~"
"..."
"Ryou~~"
"… wakatta, wakatta [1]. I'll help you."
"Yay! Ryou's the best!"
"… Isn't that guy the best?"
"Sou dane…[2] then Ryou is the second best!"
"Che… then how can I help you?"
"Hmm… first you can tell me about him, maybe?"
"I know him a bit… I don't really know him very much, though."
"Un, un."
"Hmm… he is a nice guy, he always helps people around him, and he's pretty smart… then he is good in soccer… hmm… That's all I know."
"Ee~h… only that?"
"Well what else should I know about him anyway!"
"Uh… I don't know either."
"See?"
"But Ryou, you'll support me in this, right?"
"Yeah, yeah…"
"Yay! Thanks Ryou! Okay then, see you later!"
**********
Why did I accept? I should have declined that in the first place. But I couldn't decline when I saw her innocent face…
"Ryou!"
"Uwa!!" Shishido Ryou—third year student at Hyoutei—almost jumped from where he was seated at. He was really startled since his mind was floating somewhere.
"Why are you so shocked?" His best friend, chuckled amusedly. "Thinking of something?"
"Uh… yeah."
"Tell me tell me! You've started to like someone?"
"Not your business."
"Eeh, how mean, Ryou…"
"-chan~" a soothing voice yet so hurting for Shishido to hear whispered beside 's ear.
"Ah, !" in a split second, blushed red like a tomato. "Maa, see you later, Ryou!"
"See you, Shishido-san," beamed gently as his hand entangled with 's, the two of them walking away.
Shishido only replied with a nod and looked away. It was too painful to see them together. Just several days after told him that she started to like , they met accidentally after school and somehow introduced themselves and stuff. Since then they've been friends and both of them became a couple on the following month.
"Gekidasa daze… ore wa, [3]" a bitter smirk formed on his lips as he went to the tennis court.
**********
"Shishido-san, you didn't seem to be in a good condition today…"
"Choutarou," Shishido tried to form a smile in order to erase his Ootori Choutarou—his doubles partner's uneasiness. "I'm okay."
"These days, your concentration has been so low and you didn't seem to have the mood to practice, Shishido-san."
"So-sou ka?" Shishido let out a nervous chuckle. "Maybe it's just you."
Just like not listening to what Shishido said, Ootori continued, "If you have problems, you can tell me. I can keep secrets!"
"Ah, no, I'm okay, Choutarou."
"Don't hide it, Shishido-san. You'll lose your regular spot and never gain it back if you kept showing this weak part of you! The ball you just hit was really weak!" Ootori was very serious with his words this time. His face showed it.
"Cho-Choutarou…" Quite shocked with Ootori's serious response, he decided to share his pain with his trustworthy doubles pal.
**********
The famous Doubles 1 of Hyoutei Gakuen, known as the Silver Pair, sat next to each other on a bench beside the tennis courts. Both looked concerned, and were thinking deeply.
"So that's why you've been all distracted like this?"
"Yeah… do you have any conclusions, Choutarou?"
"Until now, the only conclusion I can come up with is to stop thinking about her and try to find someone else, I guess."
"That's true… but that's not easy. I can't take my eyes off her."
"Eventually, you might."
"…I'm not sure about that. At first, I did think so. But until now, that feeling never stopped."
"Hopefully something will happen soon. I'm just worried about your regular position…"
"Then… what should I do, Choutarou?"
"Hmm," Ootori looked up, setting his sight to the sky as he started to think about Shishido's question. "Well… I guess this leaves you with no choice but to make her to like you."
"Oi oi… be more serious, Choutarou… that's impossible."
Shifting his sight to his senpai's face, Ootori replied firmly, "if it's impossible then you have to accept the fact you can do nothing about it."
Shishido heaved a long sigh. "Ttaku…[4] since when I became weak like this…"
"That's okay, Shishido-san. You're weak because of love, I think that's natural."
"That is not natural!"
Ootori was a bit shocked with his senpai's loud yell. "…yappari, you're still thinking about your pride in this kind of time."
"…what?"
"Yeah, you're still defending your pride. Is your pride more important than -senpai?"
Shishido was surprised with that sentence. Am I… defending my pride that much? Is she less important than my pride? …I myself don't know.
"Maa, that's for you to think by yourself, Shishido-san. Jaa, I'm going back to class," Ootori smiled as he patted Shishido's back. "It's going to be alright so long as you do your best."
"Aa. Sankyuu [5], Choutarou."
**********
"Ryou-chan!!"
Shishido suddenly felt awkward. "What's with that addition '-chan' behind my name, ?"
"I just feel like adding it and you can't forbid me to use it!" grinned widely as she messed Shishido's hair up. "Ryou-chan!"
"Khe… fine fine, call me whatever you want."
"Man… you always have your eyebrows attached to each other like that now! Back then when we are still kids you always smiled and energetic…"
"Well that's back then right!"
"…yeah. I actually miss the old Ryou-chan…"
"Huh?" Shishido lifted his head, finding his best friend, also his childhood friend, sighing with a hint of sadness. "What the… what's with that long face of yours," Shishido teased her as he messed her hair up.
's grin quickly hopped back to her face. "Now that's the Ryou-chan I know!"
Shishido grinned back at her. But then, his grin suddenly faded when a thought struck to his head. "Ne, …"
"Hn?"
"Will your boyfriend get jealous if I talk to you like this?"
"Aah, no, he won't, he won't," assured him. "He is not that kind of guy. He won't mind if we go home together too! Because he knows, we are the inseparable best friends!"
"So-sou ka."
"Why are you concerned about it anyway? Don't think too much. Shishido Ryou is not a person who thinks too much, right?"
"Uh… you're right. I'll try not to think much."
"That's my Ryou!" grinned. "Well then, I'll go back to the classroom now. We're going home together, ne?"
"Uh… okay."
"Bye bye!"
**********
"-chan, I have something to talk about with you."
Seeing the stern face of her boyfriend, responded quite timidly, "Wha… what is it, ?"
"Well… I've been thinking about this… but aren't you too close with your best friend?"
"Eh?"
"Yes, that's right… I believe you're even closer with Shishido-san than with me."
"What are you talking about, ? You know I'll always love you. And he's just—"
"To show that you really love me and me alone, could you stop being so close with him?"
"Eh…"
"Well, if you can't, that means you don't love me."
"…"
"I have been holding back this feeling, that I am jealous…"
"…I understand. I'll set a distance between him and me…"
"Could you also stop going home with him?"
"Eh? But—"
"You'll go home with me instead. Okay?"
"…but I ... okay."
"Thanks -chan. I love you so much," smiled gently as he placed a quick kiss on her forehead.
"U… un," couldn't reply. She didn't want to lose , yet she didn't want to be distant with Shishido. "So… sorry, I have to go for a while!"
watched her back as he smirked. "Amai na, -chan. [6]"
**********
quickly rushed to Shishido's class. "Ryou!" she called as she entered the classroom.
"Hn?" Shishido got up from his seat. "What is it, ?"
"I need to talk to you. Come with me."
**********
"I'm sorry Ryou, but that's…"
"It's okay!"
"Eh?"
"You've made this decision, and you're happy with it right? That way I'm also happy. I'll keep this in mind."
"I'm so sorry."
"Why apologizing? I'm happy with that! That means you can get closer with him, right?"
"…sou ka… I understand. Thanks, Ryou."
"Aa."
After she left, Shishido covered his face with both hands. He could only regret his action again. You're so stupid, Ryou… extremely stupid… worse than the worst. "Kuso, [7]" he whispered to himself.
He has just agreed with the timid request of his best friend… that is to keep a distance with her. Could I…? I might be able to do it… but that's… just too painful.
"Shishido-san."
He looked up. "Choutarou."
"You made another stupid decision?"
"How do you know?"
"Sorry, I accidentally eavesdropped. But that's just…"
"I know. That's so stupid, right…"
"No no, I don't intend to say that. I mean, that's just sound so weird…"
"Which part?"
"Like, his boyfriend wants her to be distant with you…"
"Well… that part isn't really weird… people usually are egoistic like that when he likes a girl. He wanted her for himself only, I think that's natural."
"I also thought like that but…"
"But?"
"But I just don't like the fact that he couldn't accept -senpai the way she is…"
"The way she is…? Choutarou, is being herself…"
"I don't think she is happy with that decision. Didn't you see her face when you talking with her?"
"I didn't. You did?"
"Yeah. She looked quite worried and sad."
"…why should she be sad for? Ttaku."
"Don't you think being separated from your own best friend painful?"
"But she has him, why should she be sad being separated from me? That's the decision she made herself anyway. And… that's also good for me. If I don't see her face anymore, then I won't feel sad all the time."
"Shishido-san…"
"I don't care anymore. Just forget I ever talked about her with you, Choutarou," Shishido walked away without looking back to his kouhai.
"Shi—Shishido-san…"
**********
Days and then months have passed. There was not even a single conversation between Shishido and . Which made it worse; they were not in the same class. The chances they could talk with each other was zero.
actually felt very lonely, although was always by her side. She didn't want to be separated from Shishido, but she didn't want to leave her. She felt very tired of this already, but if she left , she had no one. Shishido might have hated her. And she loves a lot, she didn't want to leave him.
"Sigh."
"Why are you sighing like that, -chan?"
"… no, nothing… I'm just… bored."
"Then let's go somewhere after school, shall we?"
"Un…"
What's wrong with me? Why don't I feel happy when asked me to go out with him? This is weird…
**********
"Shishido-san, you're lucky that there are no tournaments recently. You're still thinking about her, aren't you?"
"Eh? Not at all, Choutarou… what are you talking about?"
"I still don't see any improvements on your tennis."
"Sou ka…"
"Shishido-san, you definitely should do something with this…"
"Choutarou, am I a liar?"
"Eh?"
"Yeah. I've been such a liar…"
"And egoistic." Shishido quickly lifted his head. Just now wasn't Choutarou's voice, then who…
"Oshitari-senpai?" Ootori blinked.
Oshitari Yuushi—known as the genius of Hyoutei tennis club—readjusted his glasses. "You're so sad, Shishido. It's you who was afraid to be hated by her. You even said something that indirectly means you left her."
"What do you mean, Oshitari?" Shishido frowned. "How do you know this much…"
Oshitari smirked. "And you don't even know what kind of person is."
"Wait wait, Oshitari… you're getting nowhere… what are you talking about?"
" , also known as the experienced heartbreaker," Oshitari readjusted his glasses. "He dated girls only to break their relationships with their best friends. He would, in the end, tell about his true self to hurt the girl, and he'll threaten the girl not to tell about his real intention and such, otherwise, he'll target the people whom the girl would warn."
Shishido couldn't avert his gaze. He was speechless and couldn't move an inch.
"His current target is , which is the girl you like," Oshitari continued. "He wanted to break the relationship between you and her."
Shishido shut his eyes. What have I been doing? I know nothing and could do nothing…
"Now, what are you waiting for, Shishido? You wanted her to get hurt? Warn her before he breaks her heart."
"She won't listen to me anyway!"
"It's you who don't want to get hurt, Shishido-san!"
Both Shishido and Oshitari were quite startled with the unusual loud voice of Ootori.
"What Oshitari-senpai said was right. You didn't want her to hate you hence you didn't dare to warn her. If it's not you who get hurt, it's going to be her!"
Shishido was still speechless.
"Could Shishido Ryou, who got his regular spot back, do nothing in this kind of situation?" Oshitari challenged him craftily.
No. Shishido opened up his eyes. I can do something. "Thanks, Choutarou, Oshitari," he said as he left the two quickly. One destination: to his inseparable best friend.
**********
"!" he called out.
That time, she was the one who barged in to my classroom and made a decision herself. Now it's my turn to make a decision and barge in to her classroom. I don't care if she'll hate me, but she has to break up with him.
"Ryou? What are you doing here?" she responded quite coldly. Of course, was still in her classroom, she could do nothing but acting like that. Inside, she wanted to talk much with him, wanted to laugh along with him.
"I don't care if you'll hate me or something… but I just want to tell you the truth, that … has been deceiving you."
"What?"
"What's with that saying, Shishido-san?" smiled wickedly as he walked towards them. "I'm… deceiving my own girlfriend? What for?"
Everyone who was in the classroom didn't move. Everyone watched the cold war between Shishido Ryou from tennis club and from soccer club. 'What's with them?' was what some of them wonder, while the girls who've been played by could only hope for good thing to happen in their heart.
"Yeah Ryou, what are you talking about?"
"How smart you are, -san. Acting like you've never done something bad," Shishido smirked as he quoted Oshitari, " , also known as the experienced heartbreaker."
blinked. His cold sweat dropped. "And what's that supposed to mean?"
Shishido didn't erase the smirk from his lips. Good thing he had a good memory—which was why he's good in History—, he could quote everything Oshitari had told him. "You dated girls only to shatter their relationships with their best friends. In the end, you would tell the victim about your true self to hurt her, and threaten her not to tell about what you've told her. Otherwise, you'll target the people whom she would warn."
"Don't believe her, !" quickly held tight with his arm. "You believe me more than him, don't you?"
"I…" knew she believed her best friend more than everyone else, even more than . But she felt there is still a possibility Shishido was wrong.
"Shishido-san was right, -chan!" the casualties shouted. " only used us! He hurt us for his own pleasure!"
's eyes were widened in shock. "…?" She muttered. "Masaka… [8]"
Shishido pulled her into a hug. ", you better spill it out. You don't want me—no, all of these people to beat you up, right? I don't really like judging like that anyway… so quickly say it with your own mouth."
Unable to do nothing, lowered his head. "Yeah. What they've said is true, -chan. I wanted to see your tough face filled with hurt and pain."
"Oh really?" replied, gently releasing Shishido's arms around her. "Then I want to see your hurting face."
"Oh, I just remembered," Shishido scratched his head. "If you hurt , she wouldn't cry. She would be furious… and beat you up instead."
"Uh-oh," was the last word could mention that day.
**********
"-chan, thanks to you who have beaten him up, I feel better," the girls mentioned as they smiled.
"Thank Ryou and yourselves instead! He was the one who told me about that and you are the ones who assured me. Although I think I was too harsh…" chuckled.
"No, that's just equivalent with his mistake," one of them said. "I was so relieved that he got beaten up like that… although he might not come to school tomorrow."
"Oi …" Shishido grabbed her head.
"Hai?" responded innocently.
"Don't you know that you'll get into trouble?" Shishido sighed. "The principal would call you, you know…"
"Oh no…" bit her lips.
"Don't worry!" the other girl patted on the back. "All of us will help you when that time comes. Shishido-san is coming too, right?
"Ttaku... me too?"
"Oh yeah, he was the one who started this after all," smirked. "You're coming too!"
"Shouganai na… [9] although this is so gekidasa…" Shishido sighed as he messed up with 's hair.
grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the classroom.
"O—oi, where are you taking me to?"
After walking quite far, stopped and faced Shishido. "Thanks for today! I thought you would hate me already, but in the end, you are the one who helped me. I'm sorry to have doubted you as my inseparable best friend…"
"Who said I would ever leave you? Don't you remember what I've promised you long time ago?"
"That you won't ever leave me alone?"
"Of course, silly. And I mean it. So I won't leave you," Shishido turned his face away to hide his blush. "And since you've been deciding stuff all the time, now it's my turn to decide."
"Eh?"
"I would like to change our status."
"What do you mean?"
Shishido faced her and smirked. "We are no longer the inseparable best friends…"
"Eh? Nande…"
"We are now the… erm, inseparable couple!" Shishido grinned nervously.
blushed. "Umm… if that's… I think, I agree…"
"Really?"
"U… un."
##########
June 18, 2007
Written by: Sakube Yamu
Edited by: Rikapyon!
[1] - I understand (informal)
[2] - That is right
[3] - I am so uncool
[4] - Like seriously (informal)
[5] - Thank You
[6] - How naive
[7] - He's cussing :P
[8] - Don't tell me...
[9] - I guess it cannot be helped