Lost and Confused: Part 2

"I don't have any regrets because I meant every word I said," replied quietly, chewing on her lower lip as she rested her head on her knees, letting her honey-brown hair graze against the coarse and splintered bark of the giant oak tree. "Do you?" she asked, tilting her head up so her dark eyes gazed at Oshitari's well-defined face and strong features. He was picking up a stick and had begun writing on the dirt. "Do you have any regrets?"

Silence came as Oshitari paused and let the stick in his hand hover just above the ground; he seemed to be thinking hard but made no reply. Both Oshitari and seemed lost in their own thoughts as they let the gentle wind blow through their hair. Occasionally, a couple of strands from their heads intertwined with one another.

"Maybe," Oshitari said finally, continuing to scribble in the dirt, "I'm not sure."

"Care to elaborate?" asked, "Or you don't want to talk about it?"

Oshitari paused again and turned around so he stared deep into 's dark eyes. She felt it was more like a questioning stare, rather than a piercing one. He seemed to be quite precautious towards this particular subject and she felt as though he was searching for an answer by reading her mind through her eyes.

"You won't get an answer by staring at me like that!" snapped suddenly, feeling quite self-conscious about having Oshitari gaze at her for so long without saying a single word. "I don't have my thoughts scribbled across my face!"

Oshitari's eyebrow rose and quivered slightly, before his lips parted and formed a smug smirk, "And I was wondering when your fiery temper would come back."

blinked and tilted her head in confusion, "Huh?"

"It's been a while since you went off or yelled at me. You've been so distant for the past few months, it was like you were ignoring me," Oshitari explained. "Not that I didn't like you being quiet and easygoing for a change, but really, it's turning me into a nervous wreck," he added.

"Thanks," replied sarcastically, "I'll keep in mind never to be nice to you again."

Oshitari smirked once more and returned to scrawling in the dirt, "Would you do what you want … even if it means going against the wishes of the people you care about?" He asked uncertainly.

grinned at the hesitation in his tone and shook her head, "If you really cared about them, you wouldn't go against their wishes," she said, pausing for a few seconds before continuing, "However, if they understand and know you, they would support you all the way."

"What if doing what you wanted meant leaving someone you cared about?"

"If what you want to do is that important to you, I'm sure that person you care about will understand," said firmly. "Why these questions all of a sudden?"

"Just curiosity," Oshitari said casually, waving his hand carelessly before asking "Do you have any plans for a career?"

blushed and poked her tongue out, "Well… I've always dreamed of becoming a photographer, but everyone says I should be a lawyer because of my sharp tongue." She said dully.

"Somehow I agree with them…" Oshitari mused loudly before getting up and putting on his jacket, "Well, I guess I'll see you around at school."

looked up and gave him a small smile.

I'm only there when he needs someone to talk to, someone who doesn't know anything about his life.

I'll never be the one he needs.

"Take care, Oshitari-kun" she said, as she leant back against the tree and closed her eyes.

"Oy."

's eyes fluttered open and she saw the silhouette of Oshitari shielding her from the afternoon sun.

"Nani?"

"Catch." He said, as she saw his hand bounce up and something silver flew towards her.

hesitated for a split-second, before catching the object just before it fell. It looked like some sort of necklace; she fumbled with it as she watched Oshitari's retreating back fade from her view.

The necklace was small, shiny and silver. It had a delicate floral pattern engraved on the front and was sculptured into a heart-shaped locket. The short chain was slightly heavier than the locket itself and had a tiny yet sturdy fastening at the end of it. Its interior was aligned with purple velvet—other than that, it was empty.

stared at the little locket in her hand for a while. Her finger ran over its smooth floral pattern and level edges, before she glanced up into the sky.

Sunset.

I better get going.

As pocketed the locket and started to heave herself off the ground, some scribbles in the dirt where Oshitari's body had been caught her eye.

I want to be the locket around your neck
choking you when I hate you
but close to you when I need you.

Smiling, fished out the locket from her pocket and fastened around her neck.

*********

It's been almost six months since that day Yuushi-kun and I sat against that oak tree, and things have been pretty normal since.

I never told Yukari who gave me that locket – I just wanted to keep that a secret between me and him.

And yes, Yuushi-kun and I have been much, much closer.

Our graduation is coming up soon, with the tennis tournament finished and all. Then it would be time for all of us to go our separate ways, but of course we'll keep in touch.

I wonder what I would be. What future should I pursue?

Well, no need to worry – with everyone most likely going to Hyotei High as well I have many people to get advice from.

Oh! And I saw Fuji and Tezuka again at the library today!

I've been seeing them almost every month ever since that horrible History assignment Yamasaki-Sensei told us to do.

Fuji is brilliant, he's good at everything! I always ask him for help with my English homework.

English is awful.

But recently he keeps giving me, well, weird looks. He looks at me as if I was one to easily break down and cry or something. The attention is making me feel a bit uneasy, yet it is comforting, all the same. I don't know how that works.

And Tezuka isn't the cold-hearted buchou that everybody says he is!

He's actually quite nice, even if he doesn't talk much. Last week I actually saw his mouth twitch!

Maybe that's a sign of a smile. Just maybe.

Life has been much better, with Yuushi-kun talking to me and all.

People think we're a couple, as if that's ever going to happen!

I wish it would, though.

He's really a great guy.

Much love,

.

**********

paused as her mouse hovered over the 'publish' button yet again.

Did she really want people to know she still liked Oshitari?

Why did she feel so uncomfortable when Fuji looked at her that way?

All these questions seemed to be exploding in her head like fireworks, and a queasy feeling swept over her – something didn't seem right.

I'm just tired and paranoid.

Of course, getting only four hours of sleep the night before made it a very valid excuse.

was just about to get herself some aspirin and a cup of water when her doorbell suddenly rang.

"Coming!" she said, as she minimised her internet browser and pushed her chair in. "Who is it?" she added, as she opened the door.

"-chan."

"Fuji-kun! Tezuka-kun! What are you guys doing here?"

"-chan, could we come in for a moment?" Fuji asked politely, while looking at seriously through his mystic blue eyes.

"Um, sure," replied uncertainly, pulling the door wider so they could both step through and walk into the kitchen.

"Did you two need to tell me something?"

**********

ran as fast as she could, her honey-brown hair billowing behind her.

"Shishido wanted to give this to you, but Oshitari requested that he should be at the airport, too." Fuji said, handing a small white envelope, "Atobe asked Tezuka and me to run this errand for him."

"Airport? Oshitari? I'm afraid I don't understand, Fuji-kun."

"We were simply asked to hand you this letter, -chan," Fuji gently replied.

**********

The sky was a light forget-me-not blue. The clouds looked like fluffy cotton candy floating in the sky. The sun was smiling upon the town, sending gentle rays of light on to the growing plants and trees.

's eyes were bloodshot, red with tears leaking out of them.

's hands trembled slowly as she opened the envelope and unfolded the letter. There were only a few words written in that small and messy handwriting, belonging to a certain blue-haired bespectacled boy.

I'm sorry for everything.

I care about you a lot, .

I hope you understand.

looked at it and laughed.

"That's so like him to be brief," She said softly, as a tear uncontrollably leaked from the corner of her eye, "So like him to be so arrogant and not say those words to me in person."

Fuji looked at Tezuka, who nodded.

"I think we should get going -chan."

looked up, her eyes full of tears, "Thank you so much Fuji-kun, Tezuka-kun," she said as she walked them towards the door and closed it gently behind her.

"Thank you for taking the time to deliver this letter to me."

"You can still catch up with him if you run now," said Tezuka's stern voice.

**********

And she did.

She ran. With tears streaming down her face, she ran.

As she ran through the gigantic doors of the Tokyo airport, came to a stop and collapsed to the ground.

He didn't want her here.

He didn't want to face her.

He didn't want something that would make him stay behind.

Why must you leave me lost and confused…?

Suddenly, a strong hand gripped gently on to 's shoulder and a happy sensation swelled inside of her like a balloon.

"Yuushi!" said frantically, spinning around and throwing her arms around the male standing behind her.

"Gomen ne, -chan…"

open her eyes, only to see her arms wrapped around Shishido and the rest of the regulars standing behind him.

Slowly, released her grip around Shishido and let her arms fall to her side—the balloon of happiness inside her bursting in an instant.

"Sumimasen Shishido-San…" she said softly, unable to hide the disappointment in her voice, "Sumimasen…"

The usually shy Ootori stepped forward and pulled into a friendly embrace, "I think Oshitari-senpai really loved you, -senpai. He didn't want you to come because he didn't want to see you cry." Her kouhai said gently.

"I understand…" said as they parted and let her hand wonder over the little locket fastened tightly around her neck.

I love you too, Yuushi.

**********

"That locket really makes your outfit look more beautiful, !" Yukari exclaimed as she looked her best friend up and down.

smiled quietly as she let her make-up artist fuss over her blush and foundation, while her hairdresser pulled the top half of her hair back and fitted a tiara on the top of her head.

"You're beautiful, too, Yukari." said admiringly, glancing at Yukari's petite figure that was fitted in a long, strapless lilac dress and her ebony hair twisted into an elegant bun. "Jirou-kun won't be able to take his eyes off you today."

Yukari blushed at 's comment and muttered something about hoping he won't fall sleep at the ceremony.

"Yoshi! All done!" said Yuuki, their make-up artist, sweeping a strand of stray hair away from 's eyes, "What do you think?"

got off the comfy chair and looked at herself through the mirror on her wardrobe door.

The top half of her hair was nicely pulled back and twisted into a stylish bun, while the remaining bits were left out and curled. Her strapless white gown fell right past her feet and was decorated with variety of sequins and beads. A small tiara sat on the top of her head and a tiny heart-shaped locket swung just above the lacey rim of her dress.

"Suteki!" exclaimed Yukari approvingly, nodding as she watched spin around a couple of times in front of the mirror.

smiled happily as she glanced at herself in the mirror, excitement and nervousness was spreading all over her body like a virus. Taking in a deep breath she reached out to touch the tiny locket that hugged her neck. jumped slightly as her fingers skimmed over its cold surface, all her excitement and happiness disappearing at once. There she sat, lost in her thoughts as she clutched the locket in her hands. suddenly felt a comforting hand on her shoulder and turned around to see Yukari bending down, pulling her into a sisterly hug.

"I'm sure there's a good reason why Oshitari-kun can't come to your wedding, ," Yukari whispered in her ear as she pulled away, "Watanabe-kun told you to wear that locket because he said it looked good with your wedding dress, ne?"

nodded.

Her fiancée Watanabe Yoshihiko was the only man to ever understand her—and her fear of being abandoned by the one she cared about. But she also knew he would never hurt her, and that in the end, he was the only one she truly loved. That's why she agreed to marry him, because he understood why she couldn't let her past go. Not just yet, anyway.

**********

It's been twelve years since Oshitari left Tokyo.

And those years have gone by in a flash.

ended up pursuing her dream like Oshitari had done, and became a professional model photographer. She worked under the Beauty and Clothing Sector of the Atobe Corporation and regularly kept in touch with almost everyone from Hyoutei – everyone except Oshitari.

I wonder how he's doing…

stared absentmindedly at her reflection, as she recalled the events that happened in the past week.

Aside from all the hectic planning and scheduling for her wedding, received an interesting letter in the mail a week before her wedding was due.

The letter was from Oshitari Yuushi.

Or should she say, Professor Yuushi Oshitari from Harvard University.

The letter was written in the same messy and untidy scrawl by the boy she knew in Junior High, but this time it only consisted of only four words: Throw away the burden.

Enclosed were two tickets to Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet – a modern reenactment of the story about the two separated lovers, held at the Harvard University.

I guess somebody told him my honeymoon would be in London…

She had a feeling she would laugh during the play, she personally understood how fate would make a fool out of anyone.

"? !" Yukari exclaimed, waving her hand in front of her best friend's face, "It's time to go!"

snapped out of her trance and shook herself awake, "I know, Yukari!" she said cheerfully, as she turned to the mirror for one last check-up.

As her eyes fell to the tiny locket around her neck, words echoed through her head.

Throw away the burden.

Closing her eyes and making up her mind, unfastened the necklace hugging her neck and thrust it into the depths of her wardrobe, slamming it shut with a bang.

Opening her eyes and taking a deep breath, turned around and looked at Yukari with a small smile on her face, "Alright, I'm ready."

"-chan… I thought you loved that locket," Yukari said uncertainly, raising her eyebrows.

smiled and shrugged, "I just don't want to carry a burden on the best day of my life."

Or ever be lost and confused again.

##########

July 30, 2007
Written By: Tazii
Edited By: linchpin (Great job, btw!)