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Last May 29, I joined hundreds of students and obtained my bachelors degree. After four years of sleepless nights, long (and cold) bus rides going to school, numerous cups of coffee and sugar-laded energy drinks, I was able to obtain the certificate that shows that I was able to complete the requirements in order to obtain credits for higher education. My parents and two of my closest friends were there to witness one of the most important events of my life.

Friends, particularly my peers back in University, all said, Mabuti ka pa, tapos ka na (That’s good, you’re done already). Getting this remark is not surprising — we are mostly of the same age, but since they moved to Canada later than I did, I attended school relatively earlier than them. This statement, however, is most of the time accompanied by the sound of disappointment. The reason is unspoken, but I believe that most people my age who just arrived here in Canada would agree that the disappointment roots from this: if we did not leave the country, we could have finished our degree earlier, and we would have been working now.

I will not deny that I used to think that it is unfortunate for me that I graduated a bit late than my high school friends and college block mates. I remember that in 2007, most of my friends marched down to get their diplomas while, I, on the other hand, had to endure another more year to finish school. Nonetheless, that did not keep me from being disappointed throughout my university life. Getting in to University of Manitoba means I have a whole new opportunity ahead of me, and being granted that chance to pursue something that will change my life completely is something that I should be grateful for. As I went along and completed my degree requirements, I met people, gained new experiences and discovered new things. I learned that time is of an important essence in my life, and while, at first glance, it looked like I just wasted my time completing courses in the University of the Philippines, I really did not waste any time. True, I did not manage to use the credits I earned to get in to University of Manitoba, however, I acquired knowledge from the subjects and courses I took, and that alone makes the time I spent in U.P. Diliman extremely worthwhile. There is no sense for me to think that I was left behind because despite of the idea that we are all batch mates, we all have to pursue different goals in life, and the only person that could determine when we will achieve those goals is no other than ourselves.

Getting an undergraduate degree has made me a lot smarter and more appreciative of the things around me. True, one of the reasons why I got a degree is because I wanted a better, stable life in the near future by having a good job, but there is something more with that. One of the most important things I have learned in my quest to get the diploma is that I have placed more value on learning, knowledge, and education itself, far more than I used to. I was brought up by my parents with the belief that education is something that no one can take away from me – and it took me long years in school to discover that they are indeed correct. Regardless of the seemingly troublesome and almost never-ending school requirements, in the end, what I have learned in each class is something that people cannot rip away from me. The lectures, the encounters, the workload; no matter how difficult or seemingly trivial they are, they have slowly became a part of who I am. Education has greatly influenced how I see the world through my eyes, how I act, and how I perform my work and my activities. Try to take the things that I have learned away from me (and from anyone else) and I cease to exist. That for sure, meant that I have obtained something important – something that of great value, and I am blessed to learned of its worth.

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Published here.

Noong nakaraang Enero ay nanumpa na ako sa harap ng hukom at naging ganap nang mamamayan ng bansang Canada. Taong 2006 ko pa napagdesisyunan ito at naayos lang ang proseso ng application ko noong nakaraang taon. Bandang Hunyo ay naisaayos ko na ang papeles; dumating ang Nobyembre at naganap ang pagsusulit.

Sa mga buwang nagdaan habang naghihintay ako ng sulat bilang kasagutan, wala namang bumagabag sa akin. Kasi ang layunin ko ay para mabawasan na ang dapat kong gawin. Nakatuon lang ang pansin ko sa ideya na may mga importante akong bagay na dapat tapusin bago man lang ako matapos ng pag-aaral ko, at isa na dito ay ang maisaayos ko ang aking status. Malaking bahagi na rin ng pagpapasya ko na kumuha na ng citizenship examination ang mga long-term goals ko – kung mag-aaral ba ako sa ibang probinsya o ibang bansa, o kung balak ko bang maglakbay sa ibang lugar.

Pero nang naramdaman ko na ang nalalapit na oras ng panunumpa, bumalik na naman ang pagdududa ko sa aking sarili. Totoo nga at hindi ako nagdalawang-isip habang in-process ang pagiging citizen ko, subalit inabot din ako halos ng isang taon kakaisip kung tama nga ba ang gagawin ko, at ano ang mga bagay na nakalaan at kaakibat ng desisyon kong ito. Umabot din sa puntong naisip kong parang kay dali yatang maging mamamayan ng Canada dahil madali lang ang pagsusulit. Inisip ko kung ano nga ba ang dahilan ng pagiging isang legal na mamamayan ng isang bansa; ano ang mangyayari kung magiging Canadian na ako, at ano naman ang mangyayari sa pagiging Filipino ko.

Noong nakuha ko na ang resulta mga dalawa o tatlong linggo bago ako manumpa, alam kong wala nang atrasan ito. Tutal, ginusto ko naman ito. Subalit sa kabila noon, nakaramdam ako ng inis sa sarili ko. Parang nakagawa ako ng krimen sa sarili kong bansa. Pakiramdam ko, naging traydor ako sapagkat mas iniisip ko pa ang sarili kong kapakanan kaysa sa kapakanan ng bansang iniwan ko. Parang hindi rin ako naiiba sa mga taong paglapag na paglapag pa lamang ng kanilang mga paa sa ibang bansa ay kinalimutan na ang kanilang pinagmulan at pilit ang pagsasalita ng Ingles kahit naman marunong sila mag-Tagalog.

Matapos kong manumpa, naalala kong may naisulat ako tungkol sa plano kong pagpasa ng application mga isa o dalawang taon na ang nakakaraan. Binalikan ko ang aking talaarawan at nainis ako sa sarili ko sapagkat nakalimutan ko ang tanging dahilan kung bakit ako nagpasyang ipagpatuloy ang aking plano: “Kahit saang sulok pa ako ng mundo dalhin, kahit anong wika at tradisyon pa ang matutunan ko, hindi pa rin maaalis sa akin ang kinalakihan ko. I still respect my country today they way I respected it before.”

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Published here

Note: I’m working on the Post Secret, “Imagine my surprise when you loved me back” as requested by a friend. Not sure how am I going to write this, or how long this would be, but we’ll see.

“So, what happened?” I asked him as soon as he got into the driver’s seat of his car. He turned on the car, and then looked at me, as if I asked the worst question in the world.

“What do you mean, ‘what happened?’ Of course nothing happened!” He said. He chuckled and then turned his attention to the road. It was my turn to feel a bit exasperated. This situation seemed never-ending.

Before I go over this whole story, let me introduce myself. My name is Carina. I just started working as an entrepreneur for my small-business, which is a used bookstore slash cafe. Took me a while to figure out what kind of business that I want to establish, but I eventually found a market for what I want. My business is situated at the downtown area where I live in, and the business is doing so far so good.

Now, the person beside me is my friend Lester. Perhaps as soon as you see him, you’ll ask, “Are you sure he’s not your boyfriend?” Well, unfortunately and fortunately, he is not. I admit that he is a hottie, and I do like him, but then I decided that we’ll be better off as friends. As to why I decided this, and why am I letting go of a catch as good as he is, you will never understand.

Or maybe you will. As I go along the story.

I let him drive quietly while I try to rummage through my thoughts. Okay, so this has been the 7th time that I get to ask him what happened to his date. It also happens to be the 7th time that he answered me with the same thing. What is going on?

“Did you get dumped?” I asked jokingly. Lester looked at me with disdain, and then put his attention back to what he is doing.

“I did not. I just realized that we don’t click, that’s all.”

What he said just surprised me. “Wow, and last week you were so trying hard to get her attention. Remember when you keep on telling me that you’re moving from your current place to a new condo unit just to see her everyday?” I teased.

“Well. People change.” He defended.
“Yeah, in one night.” I chuckled.
“Can we change the subject?”
“Are you annoyed?” I asked, changing my tone.
“No, not really.” He said.
“Okay.” I kept quiet and let the silence reign.

That’s how our relationship is, in a nutshell. He picks me up from work, we talk about his love interests, his work, his activities, my work, my stuff. We do get in touch with the topic of love and commitment, but he does all the talking. Why? Well, let’s say that I don’t want him to know what do I feel. To put it bluntly, it’s because he’s the person that I like, and when this has been put out in the open, then it’s going to be complicated.

To be continued…

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February 10, 2008

UM-Sigaw, the official Filipino Students’ Group at the University of Manitoba, spearheaded a free movie showing last January 23, 2008 at the Second Floor of the University Centre, University of Manitoba. The event is a part of the annual Asian Movie Festival for the University’s Celebrations Week.

The Asian Movie Festival (AMF) kicked off last January 14, 2008, and has been a part of the Celebrations Week for the past couple of years. The event is managed by several Asian students’ associations in the university. The AMF showcases different films from various Asian countries and bring them to the forefront for attention and recognition. This year, there were ten movies shown, presented by ten student groups from Singapore, China, Hong Kong, Korea, India, Indonesia, Taiwan, The Philippines, Malaysia and Japan. This is the first time that AMF presented an entry from The Philippines.

For this year’s AMF, UM-Sigaw presented Marilou Diaz-Abaya’s 1999 opus, Muro-Ami. Prior to the movie showing, cultural booths were set up outside the location, showing different cultural icons and photographs that represent and capture the Philippines and the Filipino culture. Filipino food and refreshments were also provided for free to the viewers before the film. Local talent and UM-Sigaw member Elsa Andrea Mutya also delivered a Filipino song in line with the presentation.

The Asian Movie Festival ended on January 25, with University of Manitoba Japanese Association closing off the event.

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Published here

Today I am sad for all the wrong reasons,
As intelligent a person I am.
These covetous sensations I nurse,
They eat me, deep into my core.

Because I hate the time I hear your voice,
crushed by those words I detest.
I feel that you always push me up to the heavens,
only to pull me down, broken and disheveled.

Today I am sad for all the wrong reasons,
Because these emotions are all caused by the demon inside,
But let me say this, without bitterness or remorse,
The same sadness you bring dissolves, as I set my eyes on you.

Hindi dapat mangyari ang mga dapat mangyari.

Para lamang itong isang maling notang paulit-ulit na tinutugtog, o hindi kaya ay mga salitang nagpupumilit na mailagay sa papel subalit wala rin namang saysay ang kanilang pagkakahabi. Parang sasakyang bulok na laging tumitirik; parang mga matang lumuluha tuwing maghihiwa ng sibuyas.

Ngayon, pilit kong sinisikil ang pagpasok ng iyong imahe sa aking isipan. Sa pagtulog, naririnig ko ang iyong tinig — tinig na sa umpisa naman ay hindi dapat pumasok sa aking balintataw. Hindi ka dapat pumapasok sa mga lugar na dapat mong pasukan.

Hindi ka puwede dito sa loob ng aking puso. Sigurado ako.

Subalit sa kabila ng pagpigil ko sa aking nararamdaman, sa kabila ng matalinong pagdadahilan na hindi dapat mangyari ang dapat mangyari, na hindi dapat maramdaman ang ngayon ay akin nang nararamdaman, narito ako at nag-iisip na baka naman masyado akong naghihigpit sa aking sarili. Baka naman lalo ko lamang papalungkutin ang puso kong malungkot. Baka pinagkakaitan ko lang ng kasiyahan ang aking sarili, na napapangiti nang husto tuwing naiisip ka.

Madaming katanungang dapat sagutin, kaya naman ngayon ay naiisip kong baka ang hinahanap kong kasagutan ay matatagpuan ko lamang sa iyong tabi.

Forever is something that I don't believe in,
Skepticism's the only thing that reigns within.
Perhaps, I've grown too tired to love
or just protecting myself from any pain or harm.

But you were there, standing near me,
Your smile's starting this brand new feeling
My resistance is futile and I am getting weak,
This must be it, I am in love again

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October 7, 2007

Matagal na rin akong nag-iisa
at hindi naman ako naghahanap
sa isip ko, nandyan naman ang barkada,
kung kailan ko ng karamay at kausap

Subalit sa hindi sinasadyang pagkakataon,
Ang mga landas natin ay nagtagpo
Ang bawat ngiti, sulyap at salita mo,
ay lagi nang naglalaro sa isipan ko

Walang babala, at ikaw ay napansin
Puso ko'y inangkin nang wala man lang pasabi
Ang pag-ibig nga ba'y kusa na lamang dumarating?
Walang babala, ikaw ay akin nang iniibig

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October 6, 2007

Living away from one’s home country, I’ve heard a bunch of stories from fellow Filipinos, from family problems, to fellow kababayans who spend a lot of time gossiping about their co-workers. But one type of story that always catches my attention is that whenever an acquaintance mentions that he or she is involved in a long-distance relationship.

Rare? I doubt. I know some people who are currently continuing their relationships with people they left in the Philippines. I know some friends who used to keep the same type of relationship, only to end it later on. Some older people here who learn some of the teenage immigrants’ status will quickly shrug it off, claiming that “such relationships won’t work” and “you can always find someone here in the city.” There are questions that arise though: Is it really true that long-distance relationships (LDRs) don’t work? Should we believe what the elderly say and dismiss the idea of maintaining a romantic relationship with a person that are thousand miles away from us?

Perhaps, both opinions are correct, but it depends on how the individuals involved will handle their situation. I have been in this kind of relationship before, and while I treat long-distance relationship as not that different from having your romantic partner easily within reach, there are some aspects of it that are really hard to deal with, particularly the fact that you don’t get to see or talk to each other as often as you want to. Sure, you promised to each other that you’re going to talk to each other every day, but with the adjustments that the other party has to do upon arriving to the new country, this would be very difficult. I’ve encountered people who are scolded by their girl or boy friends back home because they cannot send them text messages everyday, which, for me, is a bit too much.

Personally, I think that long-distance relationships are not for those people who are insecure, narrow-minded, immature and possessive. If you think that a day without a text means that the other party is just having a time of his/her life, then take that as a sign that you’re not suitable for this whole thing. Moving overseas, whether it is a temporary or a permanent thing, entails a lot of hard work-–fixing legal papers, looking for a place to work and a place to stay, adjusting one’s body clock, among other things. If you are used to seeing each other 24/7, then you have to make a huge adjustment. You have to give way. To put it simply, kailangang makibagay ka.

Long-distance relationships demand a lot of time and effort, but I think that this is not the reason for one (or both) parties to be too demanding to the point of damaging the relationship. Maintaining romantic ties with a person away from you means you have to understand each other more, compromise on your changing situations and discuss the things that you are experiencing. I cannot enumerate the things that a couple must do, because order and method varies from person to person. But to summarize it, do something to make the relationship simple and easy to handle. It’s not a piece of cake, but if the couple is up to it, then it will surely work.

So, are the oldies correct when they say that LDRs don’t work? Perhaps they are right when presented with the applicable examples, but I don’t think hearing these discouraging words will eventually discourage people to continue whatever relationship they have. Instead, look at it from a different perspective. If you think they’re wrong, then prove it.

Of course, some LDRs do not work–my experience as an example. Again, these kinds of stories and experiences shouldn’t be a way to weaken a couple’s spirit. It didn’t work for me–but it might work for you, we’ll never know. Again, we are talking about individuals here–people who have different views and perspectives and ways to handle situations.

Probably the best way to look at these kinds of negative experiences is to challenge them. If you think you’re up to this kind of straining and more demanding relationship, and if you really love the person you’re in relationship with despite of the distance, then prepare to work harder in order to maintain it. If you think it won’t work, then it won’t really work. Whether you’re ready to go the distance or not is up to you and your partner. But if the relationship worked despite of the difficulties, expect that the fruits of labor would be definitely be sweeter.

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Published version here.

As the new school year starts to kick in, UM-Sigaw, the recognized Filipino student organization at the University of Manitoba, welcomes every student with a bang. The organization, which started their activities early this year, is going to have its first major event entitled, “Halo-Halo Special.”

Based from the popular Filipino dessert, “Halo-Halo Special” is a variety show-concert which will feature Filipino talents within the city. Bands, solo singers and dancers will be performing to showcase their exceptional talents. The show will be a mix, a “Halo-Halo” of their abilities, which the organization believes, will best represent how talented Filipinos are.
Aside from tapping the pool of Filipino talents here in the city, the concert also aims to reach out to our fellow Filipinos back in the Philippines who are in need. UM-Sigaw decided to have a benefit organization for the concert, and they have chosen the Divine Mercy - Tarlac Chapter, in which one of their main goals is to help the needy within the province of Tarlac. As to why UM-Sigaw chose to have a benefit for this concert, Joann Correa, UM-Sigaw’s secretary, replies, “we feel that giving a part of the profit to those who need it would make the project more meaningful for every member of the group.”

“This is UM-Sigaw’s first attempt to manage a major event, and we wanted it to be a success, not only within the campus, but also within the Filipino community,” Sybil Abarientos, UM-Sigaw’s PR Coordinator and the concert’s core committee head stated during one of the organization’s major meetings “This is our way to excite the Filipino community here in the UofM - to be active again and to be visible. Also, there are a lot of Filipino freshmen this school year. We are welcoming them with this concert,” Joann added.

“Halo-Halo Special” is going to be held at September 29, 2007 at the Manitoba Room 210, University Centre, University of Manitoba. For ticket information, please email umsigaw@gmail.com.